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Mar. 29th, 2014

Bed Head

(no subject)

Looking back at posts I have made can be somewhat embarrassing. I'm not the most eloquent writer and my life is not very interesting and it's a little sad. I'm not saying my life is any different, but at least I can acknowledge that I live a sad life (but one that is not too sad to make it interesting and noteworthy.)

I've really only had a few changes to my life. I married and moved out of my parents for 2 glorious years and now I have been stuck at my in-laws for 2 horrible years. I have acquired bunnies, fish and even a frog. I was really hoping that by moving in with my husbands parents I would be able to save so much money. Not the case. Any extra money I might be able to save I have to give to them to help pay the utilities we barely use. But at least we are not homeless.

Hopefully since my husband is graduating school in two months we will be able to move. Like, ASAP. I hate complaining to my husband but I hate seeing the way his family treats him. Like he's worthless and the worst person in the family. I guess getting a mechanical engineering degree is a low standard for people who dropped out of high school. I'm so glad I have my family. They are so supportive of everyone. We still have issues, just like anyone. But I've always highly valued my family and now I make sure to not take anything for granted with them. I will hate to be away from them if that ever happens!

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Aug. 26th, 2009

Bed Head

Another Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (story of my life)

Oh man where to start? I'm not going to include tuition and schol books in this rant. They're already a given.

My car broke down again, right in the middle of a drive-thru lane to make matters worse. With a line behind me. Once we pushed it out of the way it was impossible to find out what was wrong because it was so dark. so we had to push it to the University we were by (since this happened right after class.)We couldn't leave my car in the parking lot or else it would have gotten towed.

I had to wake up super early so that my grandpa could help me "tow" it to Ryan's house, where his dad could work on it for me. "Towing" meaning hook up a dinky chain to my car and have a monsterous truck drag me from ogden to north ogden. It was a horrible horrible experience. I'm now going to try and block it from my memory that the chain broke in the middle of 12th st. and washington blvd.

So afer Ryan's dad mistakenly took some other motor for the car starter we took the WHOLE inside of my car apart trying to figure out if I had an electrical problem. Which i didn't and we eventually found the REAL starter motor buried in the middle of the engine. Fortunatley we got that fixed as well as figured out my lights problem (oh yeah, i could'nt legally drive at night cuz my lights didn't work.)

So we got everything fixed and right when i'm about to drive away my "check engine" light comes on. So now i'm going to have to deal with whatever that problem is.

But at least my car starts now and my lights work. I guess there's a plus.

But i would say the worst thing to happen to me is when i got to Weber to meet up with Ryan. i went to go wash my hands in the bathroom and I walked into the wrong bathroom. I always go into the men's restroom for some reason and i'm usually pretty but this time i got caught because someone walked in right after me.

Then this Bitch came out and was a total bitchy bitchy bitchy, so i just called her out on it, but she's a fucking bitch. Oh well, a lot of people suck.

Apr. 16th, 2008

Eternal Sunshine

Mature or immature

this is probably the most intense journal i will write, because its the first one i also wrote in my paper journal.

Last night might have effected me for the rest of my life.

I was talking to my boyfriend and his sister last night about everything. A topic came up that made me extremely uncomfortable to talk about it and i told them i didn't want to talk about this certian subject. I made sure that i wasn't trying to sound like a bitch so i wasn't rude or anything when i said it. My boyfriends sis said she just wanted to add one thing to the conversation before we started an new topic.

She kept on talking about this topic which was really uncomforting to me and i was even feeling real nauseous about it so i mentioned one more time 'that i really didn't feel like talking about it'

now if it wasn't a big deal to me i probably would just have sat there feeling uncomfortable and wouldn't have said anything about it, so i thought that my boyfriend and his sister would respect me in that.

The my boyfriend starting talking about the subject even more and that was the worst. So i told them that i needed some air, i grabbed my shoes and jacket and i told them to continue talking i was just going to walk out to my car and back.

When i came back, my boyfriends sister had left, and he mentioned that i upset her and she thinks i am immature. How is that upsetting to her? i don't understand? i explained twice that i didn't want to talk about something and they didn't 'think i was serious' so thats why they kept talking. I have been there for him and his sister for a lot of thing that was emotionally damaging to them. I sat there and tried to comfort his sister last night after her boyfirend went to jail. When they were having issues i was there. Every time i try to be there for them and this is how they treat me back? They always act like they think their better than everyone, and it includes me.

My boyfriend all night was trying to explain to me that i wasn't clear about not talking about the subject. EXCUSE ME? I TOLD YOU 2 FUCKING TIMES THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but can anyone explain to me how that isn't clear?

Then he said that when someone says ' i don't want to talk about it' it means 2 different options- a) that you have personal issues with the subject or b) you just want to change the subject. To me, any of those options are reasoning to change the subject. Am i wrong?

Apparently to him, that isn't reasoning to change the subject. Apparently to him i need to start talking about why i don't want to talk aboutsomething. I'm sorry but wouldn't that count as me talking about it?

He said that he comes from a place that doesn't have taboo subjects and that i need to talk to them. He doesn't understand that i do talk to them about everything, but somethings are still personal to my family and i'm sure they don't want everyone to know. I've already told my boyfriend my personal issues... all of them...

He thought i was being immature and i disagree. Why would someone come out and stand up for their feelings if they were immature.

But at the same time i still can't get out of my head how they didn't respect me that night. Its happened once or twice before. I just don't think that i want to have a future with someone who doesn't respect me. Who thinks that i'm the one that needs to change, i'm the one whose always in the wrong even when i'm the one being hurt.

Someone please tell me that i am sane, because when this happens i feel like i'm going crazy.
Bed Head

Jail sucks

Last night i found out my boyfriends' sisters' boyfriend (aka Duggars) was arrested on a charge of felony assult and he faces 1 yr in prison.

Duggars, his brother and their friend beat the shit out of some drunk guy one night at the bar duggars used to work at 4 months ago. The drunk dude got in a fight with duggars bro and pulled a knife out on him, so duggars came up and started kicking the guy in the face as hard as he could, and duggars is a pretty strong dude. The drunk guy was in the hospitable for a week and i guess he decided to press charges.

Duggars was arrested when he showed up to court for a dui hearing, which he has 2 dui's on his record. My boyfriends friend in Cali was arrested for the same exact reason, however he had no criminal record and he was sentenced to 1 yr. jail time. So i don't know how this is going to go for duggars.

Jul. 16th, 2007

Eternal Sunshine

WTF?

So is ass-face trying to get a hold of me? I hate how he sends me into whirlpools of confusion...

There are no more romantic feelings for him that reside in me, but feelings of curiosity are being aroused I will admit.

For months my intuition has told me to try and contact him, but friends and family fore-warned me of the dangers that lie in contacting him. More people told me to stay away then to follow my gut feeling. My gut has never, EVER, been wrong about Dallas, and even now (when we have not spoken for over a year)I am still right.

I just don't know if I can believe Kenz, since she contacted Jord with this message. I saw her just a couple of days ago, and I know that she and Tyler have recently broke up. She saw me with Ryan, so maybe she is trying to cause problems for me? Or maybe she is trying to reach out to our friendship again (which was shattered by living together). I don't mind talking to either Dallas or Kenz again, but this time I will be smart and not put any trust or feelings into them.

I used to wish that I could erase him from my memory. The only good thing that came from him was that I matured... and my taste in music

Jul. 1st, 2007

Eternal Sunshine

I'm Right, You're Wrong

Thats how its always going to be, I am never going to get away from that

Jun. 19th, 2007

Eternal Sunshine

Stop Freaking OUT

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! He is sooooo great♥



I just need to stop freaking out

jesus christ

Jun. 12th, 2007

Eternal Sunshine

(no subject)

I HATE BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS... I AM STRONG... I DON'T NEED ANYONE REALLY...
i am going to act like that and feel like that for the rest of my life thank god.


"You don't mean anything at all to me. You just got what it takes to set me free"
B-dazzler

today is tuesday

i haven't seen my boyfriend since last wensday., we have spoken only about work related things since then, nothing more... except they did call me to go to sugarhouse on sunday, but i missed the call and missed the chance to hang out with them. I am suer they got to hang out with richard though... Ruichard is a nice guy but he seems to be stealing my friends... maybe i shouldn't care, because they need more friends while they are here in Utah. But i just feel sad... I don't think ryan likes me anymore because i erased a picture of us on carolyn's phone. IT WAS AN UGLY PICTURE!!! FUCK... maybe he just needed a break for a sec, which in all honesty is what we needed... I HATE relationships... i don't want to be in one anymore if all i am doing is being un-trusting and worrying too much about everything...

Jun. 7th, 2007

Bed Head

(no subject)

i don't have a car... well i do, its just not a smart idea to use it

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