Last night might have effected me for the rest of my life.
I was talking to my boyfriend and his sister last night about everything. A topic came up that made me extremely uncomfortable to talk about it and i told them i didn't want to talk about this certian subject. I made sure that i wasn't trying to sound like a bitch so i wasn't rude or anything when i said it. My boyfriends sis said she just wanted to add one thing to the conversation before we started an new topic.
She kept on talking about this topic which was really uncomforting to me and i was even feeling real nauseous about it so i mentioned one more time 'that i really didn't feel like talking about it'
now if it wasn't a big deal to me i probably would just have sat there feeling uncomfortable and wouldn't have said anything about it, so i thought that my boyfriend and his sister would respect me in that.
The my boyfriend starting talking about the subject even more and that was the worst. So i told them that i needed some air, i grabbed my shoes and jacket and i told them to continue talking i was just going to walk out to my car and back.
When i came back, my boyfriends sister had left, and he mentioned that i upset her and she thinks i am immature. How is that upsetting to her? i don't understand? i explained twice that i didn't want to talk about something and they didn't 'think i was serious' so thats why they kept talking. I have been there for him and his sister for a lot of thing that was emotionally damaging to them. I sat there and tried to comfort his sister last night after her boyfirend went to jail. When they were having issues i was there. Every time i try to be there for them and this is how they treat me back? They always act like they think their better than everyone, and it includes me.
My boyfriend all night was trying to explain to me that i wasn't clear about not talking about the subject. EXCUSE ME? I TOLD YOU 2 FUCKING TIMES THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but can anyone explain to me how that isn't clear?
Then he said that when someone says ' i don't want to talk about it' it means 2 different options- a) that you have personal issues with the subject or b) you just want to change the subject. To me, any of those options are reasoning to change the subject. Am i wrong?
Apparently to him, that isn't reasoning to change the subject. Apparently to him i need to start talking about why i don't want to talk aboutsomething. I'm sorry but wouldn't that count as me talking about it?
He said that he comes from a place that doesn't have taboo subjects and that i need to talk to them. He doesn't understand that i do talk to them about everything, but somethings are still personal to my family and i'm sure they don't want everyone to know. I've already told my boyfriend my personal issues... all of them...
He thought i was being immature and i disagree. Why would someone come out and stand up for their feelings if they were immature.
But at the same time i still can't get out of my head how they didn't respect me that night. Its happened once or twice before. I just don't think that i want to have a future with someone who doesn't respect me. Who thinks that i'm the one that needs to change, i'm the one whose always in the wrong even when i'm the one being hurt.
Someone please tell me that i am sane, because when this happens i feel like i'm going crazy.
this is probably the most intense journal i will write, because its the first one i also wrote in my paper journal.